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Advice Dear Tabe Aulikki,After five years of going steady, my son is going to marry a totally impossible girl. How can I stop this marriage that is destined to fail? The girl is lazy and careless. She does not clean the house or know how to cook. My son has to do all the housework. Crying Mother-in-law Dear Crying Mother-in-law, After five years of going steady, your adult son and his fiancée are getting married. You probably mean well, but your son is not a child. You must let him live his own life. You have no right to interfere in their lives. If you do, you will drive your son, your future daughter-in-law and your future grand children away from your life. Your son is happy with her the way she is; otherwise, he would not marry her. They have been together long enough to know each other well. Find the positive sides of your future daughter-in-law and focus on them. With Affinity, Tabe Aulikki Dear Tabe Aulikki, I am a 72 year old male. Financially independent and in good health. People think I am 10 years younger than my age. I have been divorced five years and would like to marry again. I have a very attractive, young looking, 50 year old lady friend whom I see quite often and like very much. Because of the large age difference, should I try to control my affection by seeing less of my friend and try to find someone nearer my age? Perplexed Dear Perplexed, You are in good health and look much younger than your age. If you are also young at heart and posses a flexible mind, your age difference might be less than you think. Openly communicate with her and find out how she feels about the age difference and marriage. If you are both happy and enjoy each other's company, why worry about the age difference. Keep creating it. Let it flow and see where you can take it. However, the decision is yours! With affinity, Tabe Aulikki Dear Tabe Aulikki, I share a problem with many of my fishing buddies. How do we get our wives/girlfriends to enjoy going fishing with us? The Lonesome Fishermen
Dear Lonesome Fishermen, If you do the following, your wife or girlfriend will fish with you more often and she will truly enjoy it. Make it a pleasure and an adventure, and it will become quality time for both of you. 1) If you have children get a baby-sitter, so your wife doesn't have to look after the children while she tries to fish. 2) Surprise her by packing a pick-nick basket full of both of your favorite foods. Bring a tablecloth and a blanket. 3) See that her clothes are proper for being on the water and for the weather conditions. 4) At the river or lake lay the blanket down, put the pick-nick basket on the tablecloth, bring out the delicious foods and offer them to your woman. Be light hearted, enjoy each other and your time together. 5) When fishing, offer to bait her hook. Explain proper fishing techniques to her. Tell her where the fish will most likely be. Don't talk down to her or make her feel inad-equate. Get behind her and surround her with your arms as you show her how to hold the rod properly. Make it fun! Be creative! 6) When she catches a fish, show her how to reel it in. Be generous and share your techniques! If she wants, kill and clean the fish for her. 7) Upon leaving, don't make her into a "camp-maid". Clean the camp together. Don't get serious if you don't catch any fish this time. Have fun and try again another day. With affinity, Tabe Aulikki Dear Tabe Aulikki, I am a passionate fisherman and I read your answer to lonesome fishermen's girlfriend/wife question. I laughed till my stomach hurt, because the fisherman's real problem is; how do we keep the girlfriend or wife from coming on the fishing trip and if that don't succeed, how do we keep them quiet so they don't scare the fish away! Can you find an answer to that? Passionate Fisherman Dear Passionate Fisherman, I recommend that you outfit your wife/girlfriend with good fishing gear! For example Abu Garcia, Ambassadeur Mörrum 6600 CL reel. It's balanced, lasting, stable and strong. It takes a bit of learning to use, but once mastered it makes your casts longer and it is good for all kinds of fishing. Combine it with a sensitive rod and your girlfriend or wife might become seriously interested in fishing... If you are serious about her and you intend to marry her, Ambassadeur 5000 CDL (Gold) reel would make a wonderful engagement gift... With Fishing Regards, Tabe Aulikki Dear Tabe Aulikki, I find your column fun and interesting. What do you think about games and playing them? Curious Dear Curious, Strange question! Lets look at the anatomy of a game: We have goals and purposes, barriers to overcome and freedom in between. This applies to life, sports or any agreed upon game. Some of us like the challenge of the game of life and the satisfaction we get, is as much in overcoming the obstacles, as it is in reaching our goals. We learn from the barriers and the things we must do in order to reach our goals and purposes. Overcoming the obstacles is the icing on the cake and we become stronger, smarter and better because of them. In the game of life, we can be the effect or the cause! We can also become the effect of our own cause! There are two sides to games -positive and negative. The positive games are pro-survival, benefiting most of the following: Self, mate, family, friends, group, mankind, life forms, physical world, thought, and the spiritual realm. Negative games are contra-survival for most or all of the above. When facing an important decision in the game of life, look at the long-term effects of your decisions on the above list. Then choose the one, which is pro-survival for most of those things. Oh, and the games that are positive and fun! -Play them with zest! With affinity, Tabe Aulikki Dear Tabe Aulikki, I have no interest in sex with my husband. Sex between us has been the same for 25 years. I am bored. From Where Happiness to Bed? Dear From Where Happiness to Bed, Buy my upcoming manual "How To Be 1001 Women For Your Man" and you will learn much. Sorry -but really- it's hard to understand that sex could have been same for such a long time. It sounds routine and mechanical. You are just as guilty for the boredom of your sex life as your husband is. Put brakes on to everything that is routine about it. Create zeal, excitement and passion to your relationship with your man. Smell good, dress feminine and sexy, even under blue jeans. Keep your husband as your lover. Be a bit mysterious, don't talk too much, excite him and seduce him unexpectedly in surprising places (elsewhere than bedroom). For example, you can kidnap him some morning and take him away from the city, state or the country. Arrange with his boss, secretly in advance, a few days vacation for him. It is important that this is a surprise for him. Arrange airplane tickets -rent a summer cabin or a weekend cottage somewhere by an ocean-shore or lake. You may even have a rental car waiting at your destination. He will see you in a new light. Be soft, feminine and light hearted. Get to know each other again... have fun... walk the quiet shore... be erotic... live your lives fully. With affinity, Tabe Aulikki DearTabe Aulikki. I am a lone 50 year old woman. In the past I have been satisfied with my life. Now I have strong sexual dreams and needs. Is that normal and how do I satisfy them? Can I Dream? Dear Can I Dream, Strong sexual dreams and needs are normal. Take yourself a lover who is 20 years younger than you and he will satisfy your dreams and needs... Jokes aside -really, nowdays it is important to be sexually very careful. When you get physically intimate with someone you can become the effect of others he has had sex with... It is best to know your potential partner well. But if you don't, I recommend that before getting intimate, you get blood tests done to find out each others health status. And be aware that your potential partner can be a HIV carrier for six months before it shows in his blood. Also, don't let using a condom lull you to false security. HIV virus is so small it can easily go through some condoms. No sexual experience is so important or valuable that you should take the risk. HIV spreads quickly and it always kills, some quicker some slower, but it always kills... It is not only a desease of drug-users or gays. Many "good girl and boy" has it also. Looking at a person you can't see that he or she is infected and statistics are not correct because many, many people who are infected don't know it. The only safety is to be monogaminous with a healthy partner. Good luck... With affinity, Tabe Aulikki Dear Tabe Aulikki, I like your column and value your opinion. I have been in relationship for four yeas. The thrill and excitement is gone and we are tired of each other. He has started to look at other women and sex, which used to be great, is now fast and unfulfilling. We used to talk about everything now he thinks I talk too much. He is a good man and I would like to salvage this relationship but I don't know where to begin or how to do it. J.P. Dear J.P, There are many important ingredients to a good relationship. Open communication is one of the main things. It is the universal solvent, the key to success whether applied to business, friendships, or relationships. If you get into trouble with communication, you can get out of trouble by communicating further. With it, you can build agreement and affinity and without it, you have nothing. The more things you agree about, the closer you will be. Find those things, talk about them and soon you will feel the affinity building. The next thing is not easy but it is important. Clear up any miss-understandings and secrets between you and talk openly about things, which you want to keep secret from each other. Handle these things until they are finished. Be safe terminals for each other to talk to. It is important that this is mutual. Don't ever use this information for your benefit or against each other and never bring these things up after they have been resolved. If you harbor secrets which you do not want your mate to know they will always remain in between you and keep you further from each other. Another key is that you do not knowingly do things that cause hurt or unhappiness to your partner. Be considerate. Put yourself into your partner's place. See how you would feel if the roles were reversed. If you have doubt about feeling good, refrain from doing what ever it is. Being honest does not mean that you tell your companion everything you think or know. You must to learn to hold your thoughts to your self as well, as nothing is more boring than a person who tells his or her every thought, every emotion, or feeling. Create a hint of mystery into your relationship, it will make it exciting and intriguing. If your man knows everything about you there is to know, what is left for him to find out? Nothing! The relationship becomes boring to him and miserable for you. Surprise him with your intelligence, depth, sharpness, warmth and a hint of mystery. Let him discover new things about you continuously. Men love to hunt. The longer the chase lasts the better for both of you, as it is a fun and satisfying game. Have fun and the spirit of play in your relationship. Be each other's best friend. Create your relationship into existence newly every day. It is most important and without doing it, your relationship will die because nothing in life stays the same. With creation, or the lack of creation, your relationship either gets better or worse. Daily -see how you can better your mate's life and do so. This must be done by both of you, because if only one of you does so, the relationship will be "out-exchange" and it too kills your relationship. Creating your relationship is a pleasure for both of you. When you love someone, it comes naturally and without effort. It is like putting money in the bank. -The more you put into it the more you get out of it. Remember also this; if you have a different opinion on an important issue, talk about it calmly. Listen and understand each other's viewpoint. Together, consider both viewpoints and see what long-term effect your choice of action will create. Together choose the action that is better for the both of you. With affinity, Tabe Aulikki |